Life Is Good

Jax's Last Day

I've hesitated writing this because I really wasn't sure what to say.

We're good.

We keep on keeping on.

The day he left was the hardest.

All day long I thought to myself,

"This is the last bottle I'll feed you."

"This is the last nap you'll take in your room."

And on and on.

I tried to memorize every little thing we did together.

When his new family came, we took some pictures together and talked a little.

We were all holding it together pretty well until his new mom, Phoenix, started sobbing.

It was all over then.

As I went to hand him off, I couldn't let go. I held him close and kept kissing his little face and head over and over again.

I didn't want to forget.

After they walked out the door, I didn't watch them.

I held my little Kendal who was sobbing uncontrollably.

We sat for awhile, her crying, me holding my baby tight.

And then life went on.

For about two days after he left I had dreams of his new family bringing him back to us and then taking him away again. The dream would repeat itself over and over again all night long.

At night, I would wake up thinking he was crying and ready for a bottle.

For some reason, today while shopping at Wal-Mart I found myself in the middle of the baby section. I looked around and hurried out before I had myself a minor breakdown.

About 10 minutes ago I thought I heard him crying over the baby monitor.

Even now, I feel emotional over the smallest things.

I think I didn't want to write this because I knew I would cry.

And I am.

But, he's happy.

He has another family that loves him just as much as we do.

And really, they are wonderful.

They are an amazing, awesome family.

And I'm thankful that if he's going to be somewhere other than with us, it's with them.

Luckily we have the most awesome friends and family.

I've gained a few pounds because of all the wonderful meals and goodies we got.

And really, there's nothing wrong with cookies for breakfast (me, not the kids), it's the breakfast of champions!

Even though it's been hard, I know that we've gotten through it because of you.

All your prayers, good thoughts and love have been felt.

So...

thank you.

Jaxson Day Eleven

I love this picture! It's so us.

I love the fact that Jaxson chose that exact moment to stick his foot in Kendal's ear.

Jaxson Day Ten

Pure Joy

Jaxson Day Nine

Happy.

Jaxson Day Eight

These two have a bond that amazes me. Don't let Derek's rough exterior fool you, he has a very soft spot in his heart for this little guy.

Jaxson Day Seven

No words needed.

Jaxson Day Six

Because everybody needs to drool a little once in their life!

Jaxson Day Five

I love this picture! When Jax was little, he loved the swing.

Sometimes, he'd take naps in there when I had a hard time getting him to sleep.

Sometimes you just need a nap in a swing to help you sleep!

Jaxson Day Four

I love this picture because it shows off Jaxson big brown eyes.

Both of my kids have blue eyes so I'm glad I got to have a brown eyed baby for a little while.

Jaxson Day Three

Jaxson and Derek watching the Fourth of July parade. Derek was watching, Jaxson was slightly less interested as evidenced below.

Jaxson Day Two

This picture was taken on June 5th. It was Jaxson's first time hiking in Zion. He slept the whole time until we got up to the highest Emerald Pool and decided it was time to eat. Derek fed him and then made him laugh. He's such a happy baby, always laughing and smiling.

Enjoy!

Goodbye Jax...

We found out today that Jaxson will be leaving us on October 22nd.

I cried.

I'm sure that's no surprise to anyone.

In honor of him I'll be posting a picture every day until he leaves.

Thanks so much to everyone for your love and support. I know without it I'd be a quivering heap of ugly on the floor.

We love you all!

Without further adieu....

Jaxson's First Day

This was taken on the first day we had him, June 3rd. He was not quite two months old but he seemed so big to me. It'd been awhile since I'd had a baby. I love his eye half open look. Lots of times I have to close his eyes with my hand because they like to stay open.

Enjoy the cuteness!

Thursday Tidbits

...Derek...

1. Gets to get new tires on his truck on Monday. Life just doesn't get better than that, eh?

2. In 2 short weeks will have his Bachelor's in Business Management! After that it's on to the Master's in Counseling. So, if you need a good drug, alcohol, family, marriage counselor, keep him in mind!

3. Has taken up running again now that his foot is all better.

4. Still has not learned how to put the roll of toilet paper on the roll. Maybe an instructional video will help.

5. Is writing a story for his creative writing class based on the time he and two friends snuck into the old Cotton Mill before it was Star Nursery. Scary!

...Melissa...

1. Got a new battery in my car. Again, life just doesn't get better than that!

2. Can single handedly, by myself, attach jumper cables and jump the car and not get electrocuted!

3. Went grocery shopping for two hours today and am now stocked for the month!

4. Still teaching piano lessons. I have some great students! They're pretty awesome!

5. Did 5 loads of laundry yesterday!

...Brandon...

1. Learned how to play chess on Tuesday and I think he may be addicted! Good thing I know a good counselor!

2. Had a math test last week and only missed one question! He's pretty awesome at math. He certainly doesn't take after his mother or his father. Where did he come from?

3. Is going to get his Wolf badge in cub scouts at the end of the month.

4. Cleaned his room and gave all the stuff he didn't want to Kendal, who hoards everything.

5. Was writing a book report and describing the main character but he didn't want to put what he looked like down. I asked him why and he said that the main character had a tattoo, an earing, and red spiky hair and he thought he'd get in trouble for writing that down. I love him!

...Kendal...

1. Is reading up a storm! She's such an awesome reader. She especially loves the Diary of a Whimpy Kid books.

2. Came home the other day and told me that her best friend Megan was moving. When I asked her where she said Ohio, or some other state with an o in it.

3. Made a birthday present for a friend of hers. It was so cute! She made a card that said, "Have a sweet day," and then copied a picture of herself, and attached the picture and a Rice Krispie treat to it. So creative!

4. Loves to make tents in her room. In fact, the other night, she slept in one she had made.

5. Ate 2 whole Marie Calendars chicken pot pies last night. Where does it go?

...J...

1. Rolled over yesterday for the very first time! He was exactly 5 months and 1 day old.

2. Woke up at 4:00 am yesterday and decided he was up for the day. I was not a willing participant.

3. Woke up because - he's getting another tooth!

4. Got his first tooth last Thursday, September 2nd.

5. Found out yesterday that we'll only have him for a couple more weeks. He'll most likely be gone by the end of September. So sad!

Thursday Tidbits

...Derek...

1. Wrote an awesome poem for the very first time last night. My favorite line was - "Sometimes I like to ride my bike." How cool is that? The best part is that is was totally random in between some flowery poetry!

2. Is pretty amazing! Right now he's working two jobs, going to school, and being an awesome Young Men's President. Wowza!

3. Got an A- in his last class. He worked so hard for that grade!

4. Is a complete Facebook hog!

5. Thinks that to go to bed early is a sin. "There might be something good on TV." As he flips through the channels for the 100th time.

...Melissa...

1. Had the opportunity to clean the dog after it devoured one of J's poopy diapers, wipes and all. Was trying not to puke on that one!

2. Have my 15 year class reunion this Friday and Saturday. Hoping that somebody will recognize me unlike my 10 year. Is it really possible that I looked that hideous in high school?

3. Working my tush off in Zumba every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. You all should come join!

4. Finished the Hunger Games series. I really wasn't a fan of the last book. I'm not sure why.

5. Going to go get a cut and style this Friday from Miss Katie!

...Brandon...

1. Got his test scores back from the end of 4th grade testing. He's pretty amazing that one!

2. Found out tonight that he's taken a kid in his class under his wing. What an awesome kid!

3. Wants to name the new dog Chaos or Divisor (as in math).

4. Is so good in the morning to get himself up and ready to go. Love that!

5. Ate a spoonful of mashed potatoes for lunch today. Luckily he didn't puke!

...Kendal...

1. Got her test scores back tonight from her reading testing. She's so amazing too!

2. Has found a really cute group of friends in her class. Hopefully they'll stick together for awhile!

3. Loves the dog. Even though occasionally he doesn't love her.

4. Picked all the toppings (even the cheese) off her pizza tonight. She was left with the crust and sauce, but she chowed it anyway.

5. Got a prize today for having a clean desk. I'm not sure who that child is. Come to my house sometime and I'll show you her room.

...J...

1. I think he may be getting teeth because today he was fussy all. day. long. No naps either.

2. Is trying so hard to roll over. He's almost there! I can't wait!

3. Moved him from the bassinet to the crib. He's getting too big!

4. Has rolls on his thighs and a double chin! He's gaining weight! Hooray!

5. Was sleeping through the night but then I spoiled him once and now I don't have the heart to let him cry it out again.

Thursday Tidbits

..Brandon..

1. Loves 5th grade so much. I think it's because of his teacher. She's so cute and fun. Last week they did an information sheet where he said that Derek Jeter is his hero. I don't think he even knows who Derek Jeter is but guess who has a dog named Derek Jeter? His teacher!

2. Decided to study the Periodic Table of Elements the other day because it's fun and interesting and he just wanted to!

3. Has been reading the almanac lately and last night diagnosed himself with two different diseases. An eating disorder and depression. We had a little chat about the symptoms and came to the conclusion that he has neither.

4. Has been reading the Skeleton Creek series. Then subsequently has nightmares. Derek put a ban on reading them but I lifted it and told Brandon that his consequence for reading them was nightmares so...read on!

5. Has played "Tomcat Prowl" every morning on the piano. I might just burn that book. It did cost me 7 bucks though, so maybe not.

..Kendal..

1. Loves her 1st grade teacher who was actually my 1st grade teacher and Brandon's 1st grade teacher also. I love her too! She's amazing.

2. Has worn her sparkly, sequiny, shoes to school every day even though I bought her 4 pair of sandals with backs to wear to school. Oh well, they'll go to a good home when she outgrows them and I can sneak them out of her room.

3. Is also reading the Skeleton Creek series. Loves them and isn't scared at all. She hasn't had one nightmare yet. She's my thrill-seeker-dare-devil-girly-girl.

4. She's a dilly-dallier in the morning. I'm going to have to start waking her up at 6 so that she'll be ready for school by 9.

5. Is so, so, so loving and helpful with J. She's going to be an awesome mom someday!

..J..

1. Has been spitting for a couple days now. I love to listen to him over the baby monitor when he just wakes up and decides to have a spitting contest with himself. It's priceless!

2. Found his toes a couple weeks ago but today I caught him putting them in his mouth. Love it!

3. Loves the Beatles. To put him to bed (for a nap or for the night) I sing "Here Comes the Sun", "Let it Be" and "Hey Jude". Just the right length for a snuggle and to put him to sleep.

4. Loves rice cereal and is sleeping through the night. The two go hand in hand. Hooray!

5. Will only be with us for about three more weeks. I'm so blessed to have been a part of his life up to this point. He has blessed our family beyond measure.

Summer

Hello world!!! Yep, I'm back. Did ya miss me? I've been reading up on all of you but I've been a little busy to write about us. So, I'm going to update you on the whole summer with pictures. Have fun!

June 3, Kendal got an awesome birthday present. J at almost two months.

Adorable!

Derek pulled out Brandons top tooth. He promptly swallowed it because he was screaming! The tooth fairy gave him five dollars anyway!

Kendal turned six! We went out for pasta and to a movie - Marmaduke (wait for DVD).

We went hiking! People would pass me and tell me how cute my baby was, ask how old, and tell me I was awesome for getting out and hiking so soon after having a baby. Yep, I'm amazing!

J played with toys!

And dressed in gangsta wear! But mostly tried to roll over!

Brandon pulled out his second top tooth! All by his self! When he came down his hands were shaking but he was so proud that he did it all by himself and didn't swallow it. Hooray!

Kendal slept like a rockette!

We celebrated the Fourth of July!

We took the long road home from Panguitch and stopped at this cave where they charge you six dollars a person to go down in! Highway robbery I tell you!

We watched the Fourth of July parade in Hurricane where Derek snuggled J till he fell asleep. That's dedication for ya!

J smiled again and again and again!

Kendal took swimming lesson and didn't drown!

Brandon did too! Cannonballs rock!

J found his toes!

And his spit!

Kendal got a new back to school haircut! Before above, after below. So cute! Thanks Miss Katie! We love you!

Brandon got his mop removed! I've never let him grow his hair out so I decided that this summer might be the time to adopt the Justin Bieber haircut. I'm sad to say it wasn't meant to be. We all like him better with short hair. The girls think so too!

Miss Katie working her magic!

Newly shorn!

We went fishing and both Kendal and Brandon caught fish! Or maybe John caught them and then handed them the pole. I'm not sure about that one. It took Derek till after dark to catch one though, he needs more practice.

Meema bought sparkly school shoes for Kendal and cool skater shoes for Brandon.

The kids decided to head to school. And really not a moment too soon. I was afraid they were going to kill each other before school started. Whew! We made it!

Brandon turned nine! Holy cow! I'm really not that old! I promise!

And that leaves us to today. I'll see you in about another three months!

A Long Story

I'm warning you now, this story is slightly long. So, if you have things to do or places to go, you might want to just go do them now.

As many of you know, Derek and I have struggled with infertility for a long time. We decided about 6 months after Kendal was born that we would start trying then because it took about 9 months to get pregnant with each of the kids. So, from 2005 to the beginning of 2008 we tried to get pregnant and it just didn't work. I decided in April of that year to go to the doctor about it. We went and he wasn't real helpful. So we decided that we'd just not worry about it. We'd just continue forward and not try to figure it out or fix it.

Then, in January of 2009 a friend told us about this awesome new doctor in St. George who deals with infertility. We thought that maybe he could figure out what was wrong and fix it. When I went in there, the first thing he asked was if I wanted to get pregnant. I was a little apprehensive because I didn't want to get my hopes up and then not get pregnant and have to deal with the fall out. He said if I wanted to, he could help. He was positive he could help. So, I said yes.

First, he tested my blood levels. No problems there. Then he tested Derek. No problems there. Then, he did another test. And another. And another. And you know what? There were no problems anywhere. After the last test, he called me up and told me what my problem was. I have "Unexplained Infertility". Which is another name for "There is nothing wrong with you and if there is, we can't figure it out so we'll give it this fancy name instead". He said that if I wanted, I could go on Clomid, a fertility pill, and that might help.

I went on that for three cycles and all that did was make my husband wonder why he had married me. Holy cow! I was crazy, crazy, crazy! I remember on my birthday, crying and crying, and not really know why I was crying. I'm sure it was some crazy reason I made up in my head. I was a little off my rocker. After three cycles, I was done. I told the doctor I didn't want to do it anymore.

When you're in this situation, it consumes you. I decided I needed to take a step back and just forget about it for awhile. We still wanted kids, but we didn't want to go crazy trying to get there. Around the end of 2009 the idea of adopting came into our minds. We thought about adopting the conventional way, but it was too expensive. And when we looked into LDS Social Services, we felt selfish. There are so many other families who don't have any kids and we are blessed enough to have two so it felt wrong for us to put our name on there and possibly take a child away from a childless family.

Then, we came across the idea of Foster/Adopt. Foster/Adopt is where you foster a child in your care and if the child is not returned to their parents, you have the opportunity to adopt. We prayed about it. It felt right. So we moved forward.

We decided that the best age for us would be 0-3. We wanted what was best for our kids and felt this age would work the best. We finished our classes at the end of last year and became certified in February. And then we waited. And waited. I thought for sure that the moment we became certified, they were going to call us.

Finally, on March 22nd, we got that call. It was about 1:30 in the afternoon and about an hour later, we had A in our arms. A was 8 months old and so much fun!

About a month later A went back to his mom. We were grateful to have had him in our lives and thankful for the experience.

After that, we waited. I thought for sure we wouldn't have another opportunity. And then, on Kendal's birthday, June 3 at 12:45 am I received a phone call. And an hour later J was here to stay. J is 2 months old and so, so cute. Because of privacy, I can't post his face on here, (I can show A's face because he is no longer in the foster care program.) but just know that he is adorable and we love him so much. We're hoping that we will have the opportunity to adopt him. But because this is life, you never know what will happen.

If you have any questions or want to sign up to be a foster parent, let me know!

Zion Free Day

Last Saturday was a free day at Zion so we decided to take advantage and do a little hiking. We had so much fun! At first we were just going to hike to the middle pool, but decided to do the upper one. I thought I was going to die numerous times. Those stairs are steep!

We survived though and enjoyed the view from the top. Totally worth it!

For a more touching review of our hike head over to The Chef's website. He's amazing!

The view from the top. Amazing!

Just starting out. Don't we look so fresh!

Heading up to the lower pools were these little caves that the kids found.

The middle pools. Not a lot of water but still pretty.

The middle pools. So fun!