Thursday, October 28, 2010

Jax's Last Day

I've hesitated writing this because I really wasn't sure what to say.
We're good.
We keep on keeping on.

The day he left was the hardest.

All day long I thought to myself,
"This is the last bottle I'll feed you."
"This is the last nap you'll take in your room."
And on and on.
I tried to memorize every little thing we did together.

When his new family came, we took some pictures together and talked a little.

We were all holding it together pretty well until his new mom, Phoenix, started sobbing.
It was all over then.

As I went to hand him off, I couldn't let go. I held him close and kept kissing his little face and head over and over again.
I didn't want to forget.

After they walked out the door, I didn't watch them.
I held my little Kendal who was sobbing uncontrollably.
We sat for awhile, her crying, me holding my baby tight.

And then life went on.

For about two days after he left I had dreams of his new family bringing him back to us and then taking him away again. The dream would repeat itself over and over again all night long.

At night, I would wake up thinking he was crying and ready for a bottle.

For some reason, today while shopping at Wal-Mart I found myself in the middle of the baby section. I looked around and hurried out before I had myself a minor breakdown.

About 10 minutes ago I thought I heard him crying over the baby monitor.

Even now, I feel emotional over the smallest things.

I think I didn't want to write this because I knew I would cry.
And I am.

But, he's happy.
He has another family that loves him just as much as we do.
And really, they are wonderful.
They are an amazing, awesome family.
And I'm thankful that if he's going to be somewhere other than with us, it's with them.

Luckily we have the most awesome friends and family.
I've gained a few pounds because of all the wonderful meals and goodies we got.
And really, there's nothing wrong with cookies for breakfast (me, not the kids), it's the breakfast of champions!

Even though it's been hard, I know that we've gotten through it because of you.
All your prayers, good thoughts and love have been felt.

So...
thank you.




Thursday, October 21, 2010

Jaxson Day Eleven

I love this picture! It's so us.
I love the fact that Jaxson chose that exact moment to stick his foot in Kendal's ear.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Monday, October 18, 2010

Jaxson Day Eight

These two have a bond that amazes me. Don't let Derek's rough exterior fool you, he has a very soft spot in his heart for this little guy.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Jaxson Day Six

Because everybody needs to drool a little once in their life!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Jaxson Day Five

I love this picture! When Jax was little, he loved the swing.
Sometimes, he'd take naps in there when I had a hard time getting him to sleep.
Sometimes you just need a nap in a swing to help you sleep!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Jaxson Day Four

I love this picture because it shows off Jaxson big brown eyes.
Both of my kids have blue eyes so I'm glad I got to have a brown eyed baby for a little while.


Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Jaxson Day Three

Jaxson and Derek watching the Fourth of July parade. Derek was watching, Jaxson was slightly less interested as evidenced below.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Jaxson Day Two

This picture was taken on June 5th. It was Jaxson's first time hiking in Zion. He slept the whole time until we got up to the highest Emerald Pool and decided it was time to eat. Derek fed him and then made him laugh. He's such a happy baby, always laughing and smiling.

Enjoy!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Goodbye Jax...

We found out today that Jaxson will be leaving us on October 22nd.
I cried.
I'm sure that's no surprise to anyone.
In honor of him I'll be posting a picture every day until he leaves.
Thanks so much to everyone for your love and support. I know without it I'd be a quivering heap of ugly on the floor.
We love you all!

Without further adieu....

Jaxson's First Day

This was taken on the first day we had him, June 3rd. He was not quite two months old but he seemed so big to me. It'd been awhile since I'd had a baby. I love his eye half open look. Lots of times I have to close his eyes with my hand because they like to stay open.

Enjoy the cuteness!