Saturday, June 12, 2010

A Long Story

I'm warning you now, this story is slightly long. So, if you have things to do or places to go, you might want to just go do them now.

As many of you know, Derek and I have struggled with infertility for a long time. We decided about 6 months after Kendal was born that we would start trying then because it took about 9 months to get pregnant with each of the kids. So, from 2005 to the beginning of 2008 we tried to get pregnant and it just didn't work. I decided in April of that year to go to the doctor about it. We went and he wasn't real helpful. So we decided that we'd just not worry about it. We'd just continue forward and not try to figure it out or fix it.

Then, in January of 2009 a friend told us about this awesome new doctor in St. George who deals with infertility. We thought that maybe he could figure out what was wrong and fix it. When I went in there, the first thing he asked was if I wanted to get pregnant. I was a little apprehensive because I didn't want to get my hopes up and then not get pregnant and have to deal with the fall out. He said if I wanted to, he could help. He was positive he could help. So, I said yes.

First, he tested my blood levels. No problems there. Then he tested Derek. No problems there. Then, he did another test. And another. And another. And you know what? There were no problems anywhere. After the last test, he called me up and told me what my problem was. I have "Unexplained Infertility". Which is another name for "There is nothing wrong with you and if there is, we can't figure it out so we'll give it this fancy name instead". He said that if I wanted, I could go on Clomid, a fertility pill, and that might help.

I went on that for three cycles and all that did was make my husband wonder why he had married me. Holy cow! I was crazy, crazy, crazy! I remember on my birthday, crying and crying, and not really know why I was crying. I'm sure it was some crazy reason I made up in my head. I was a little off my rocker. After three cycles, I was done. I told the doctor I didn't want to do it anymore.

When you're in this situation, it consumes you. I decided I needed to take a step back and just forget about it for awhile. We still wanted kids, but we didn't want to go crazy trying to get there. Around the end of 2009 the idea of adopting came into our minds. We thought about adopting the conventional way, but it was too expensive. And when we looked into LDS Social Services, we felt selfish. There are so many other families who don't have any kids and we are blessed enough to have two so it felt wrong for us to put our name on there and possibly take a child away from a childless family.

Then, we came across the idea of Foster/Adopt. Foster/Adopt is where you foster a child in your care and if the child is not returned to their parents, you have the opportunity to adopt. We prayed about it. It felt right. So we moved forward.

We decided that the best age for us would be 0-3. We wanted what was best for our kids and felt this age would work the best. We finished our classes at the end of last year and became certified in February. And then we waited. And waited. I thought for sure that the moment we became certified, they were going to call us.

Finally, on March 22nd, we got that call. It was about 1:30 in the afternoon and about an hour later, we had A in our arms. A was 8 months old and so much fun!



About a month later A went back to his mom. We were grateful to have had him in our lives and thankful for the experience.

After that, we waited. I thought for sure we wouldn't have another opportunity. And then, on Kendal's birthday, June 3 at 12:45 am I received a phone call. And an hour later J was here to stay. J is 2 months old and so, so cute. Because of privacy, I can't post his face on here, (I can show A's face because he is no longer in the foster care program.) but just know that he is adorable and we love him so much. We're hoping that we will have the opportunity to adopt him. But because this is life, you never know what will happen.

If you have any questions or want to sign up to be a foster parent, let me know!


4 comments:

  1. Melissa,
    Do you remember me? :) I just came across your blog today. I have 3 kids now. The first two were adoption. The very first one was a kinship/foster care case. We had her for a year and a half before we were able to adopt her. It was definitely hard and a struggle at times, but sooooo worth it. It was probably one of the hardest but most rewarding things we have done.
    Good luck with what you are doing. It takes a special person to love them while their parents figure things out and then to give them back if that is what is best for them.
    April {Ballard} Bringhurst
    p.s. hope you don't mind me looking

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  2. I'm so glad you shared this. We have been trying to decide what to do this go around, and we have really felt like we should do foster to adopt. However, we haven't acted on it. I've been pretty nervous about the certification. Not sure why, but I probably just need to get over it and move forward with it. That's awesome that you are doing it. I hope we'll be joining you, soon!

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  3. not a long story written, but an awesome one. you know i love you, and i am so happy your fertility specialist has a name for someone as magical as you are.
    it will be velly velly interesting to see what happens, but one thing is for sure, j is one lucky lucky boy!
    let's park it later this week, shall we?

    p.s. i'm super happy you shared this story. amen.

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  4. Just wanted to add an extra comment to wish you a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope it's a great day!

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