To the Universe

I'm reading the blogs today and I see a great one by my friend Marie. Where she vents and writes letters and probably feels all better at the end and I thought that was an excellent idea. Because, at the moment I'm feeling a little angsty and frustrated. So, in pure copycat mode, I present "To the Universe". Everybody join in  if they so feel inclined.

Dear Wal-Mart:

Wait, scratch out that dear. You are no longer dear to my heart. I am not a fan!

Hateful, hateful Wal-Mart:

How dare you entice me with 2 free Blackberry Storms and 2 free $100 dollar gift cards. And then, when I RENEW my account with my beloved Verizon, how dare you activate me two brand spankin' new phone lines without my knowledge. I did not click that I wanted a new account! I clicked that I wanted to renew my account! What the heck am I going to do with two accounts and four phone lines. When my 2 free Blackberry Storms come, I will deny! I will refuse! Your package will not darken my doorstep! And then, I'll call you to complain about my four lines! And make you cancel two. Or I'll make my husband do it. He's meaner than me anyway.

So there!
By the way, we are not friends!
Melissa

Dear, dear Verizon,
I love you. I especially love Erin, who is willing to take the smack down to Wal-Mart in my honor. Who got so justifiably angry {with Wal-Mart} when I asked why they were changing my number if they were just renewing my contract. Thank you for hiring awesome people!

I heart you lots!
Your very best friend,
Melissa

Dear Rude Book Fair Lady,

I do not appreciate you yelling at me in front of everybody. By the way, just a little note, I lived at the Book Fair that week! I ate, drank, and breathed Book Fair. I slept on Book Fairs front doorstep. And because I felt that closing out early on a Friday afternoon was okay by me {the one in charge} that's what I did. Next year, you're in charge! Good luck! You'll need it!

Oh, and by the way, how 'bout you stop calling the President to complain about me and my unprofessionalism.

Oh, and next time you stop in the Book Fair three out of the four days and wander for hours and not buy anything, it'd probably be in your best interest to buy something. 'Cause I'm closing early next year too!

Not Friends Ever, {But thanks for trying!}

Melissa

My dear, dear children,

Please stop wearing clothes, I can't keep up with the laundry.

Love,
Mom

Dear Family,

I'm buying paper. Hope you like picnics. I can't keep up with the dishes either.

Wearily,
Mom

Dear Leg Hair,

It's winter. Goosebumps hurt when you shave them off. Could you just stop growing?

Pleadingly,
Me

Dear Winter,

I hate you. I'm moving to Texas or Florida or the Bahamas.

Adios!