Hug Them Tighter

"There was an accident." Those were the words I heard when I answered the phone at 10:00 at night. Panic instantly set in. "Who was it? Are they okay?" After Derek explained the details, the tears started. Tears for him, for our wonderful Bishop, and especially for one of Derek's scouts, Josh. He called me with updates throughout the night. Around 2:00 am, he said he was going to try and get some sleep. Sleep didn't come easy for either of us. After a few hours of restless sleep another phone call, "He's not going to make it." Then a few hours later, "He's still alive. They're going to talk to the rest of their kids and decide what to do." Then, three weeks later on Friday the 13th, he passed away.

On Friday, February 20th, Derek, the Bishop, and one other Young Men leader took the scouts on a snowmobiling trip. Derek, in charge of making sure the scouts came, called each of them individually the night before. I can still remember him telling me before he called Josh, "I'm sure he won't come. He doesn't like this kind of stuff." I encouraged him to call anyway. We were both surprised when he agreed. He not only agreed, but he was so excited to go. Derek talked to Josh's mom who gave her permission for him to go. She was concerned that he didn't have any snow clothes but Derek reassured her that he and the Bishop had enough and he would be fine. Derek was shocked when Josh showed up the next day in brand new snow clothes even down to brand new boots. He was that excited to be going.

Josh had a form of autism called Asbergers. Derek didn't know Josh for very long, but most of the time he was with him he was quiet and withdrawn. This day was different. He was happy, chatty, and excited. The Bishop, who had known him for over three years, said he'd never seen him like this before. They drove up to Cedar and the whole time he talked. It was a complete transformation and no one was quite sure why.

They arrived on the mountain, unloaded the snowmobiles, and took an hour and went through safety and how to operate the snowmobiles with the boys. The Bishop tried to get Josh to ride with him but he resisted. Derek also tried to get him to ride with him but he wanted to do it on his own. They set out on a groomed road driving about 20 mph. Derek was behind Josh watching to make sure he was ok, when Josh suddenly veered off to his right. Derek called out his name and when there was no answer he flipped around and shone his light where he thought he had gone. There, in a small clump of trees was Josh, pinned underneath the snowmobile and between the trees. No one knows why he went off the road. Even more wonder how it's possible that he hit the only clump of trees in a huge meadow. Derek said if he had gone 12 inches to the left or right he would have missed the trees altogether.

They hurried to pull the snowmobile off him. Derek said as they pulled him out they thought he was gone. Bishop cradled him in his arms while the other YM leader drove with them on the back to find help. Just down the road they found a scout troop camping so they hurried and loaded him up and took him down to Brianhead where there was an ambulance waiting. The doctors in Cedar said it didn't look good but that he might be ok. They lifeflighted him to Primary Children's where the doctors up there took a look at him. He had extensive brain swelling, one of his kidneys was torn in half, and he had damage to his liver. At that point they said he wasn't going to make it. Then they decided to wait a few days to take him off life support. The did surgery to relive the pressure on his brain and waited. Every so often, he would move, which gave his parents hope that he might make it.

After 2-1/2 weeks they did another MRI. The news was that he was essentially gone. The doctors said that when he hit the trees, his brain was jarred to the point that it crushed his brain stem. They said that when he hit he was gone. They told his parents that he would never wake up. I can't imagine the heartache of knowing that your child would never wake up and you had to make the decision to take them off life support. Even now, I cry for them and for the decision I hope I never have to make.

So, on March 10th, they took him off life support. It wasn't until around 1:00 am on Friday, March 13th that he passed away.

It hit Derek hard. Numerous times he said to me, "I wish I would have never invited him." Everyone told him that he was doing what he was supposed to be doing by inviting him and Josh was doing what he was supposed to be doing by being there.

While up at Primary Children's, Josh's parents met with Elder Robert D. Hales of the Twelve. He took them under his wing, took care of them, and made sure their needs were being met. So, yesterday, at the funeral he was there. He told the family that he was supposed to be at a Stake Conference but that President Monson had told him that he needed to be at the funeral. He said many things that were so touching that I'll remember forever, but the thing he said that mattered most was this: "It was Josh's appointed time to go. If it hadn't been his time he would have been healed. There wasn't anything any of us could have done to save him. Each of us has an apointed time to go and this was his." Derek told me that when he heard this he felt like a weight had been lifted off. It was exactly what he needed to hear for him to have the peace that he had been seeking.

So, at the end of the day, I hug my kids a little tighter, give them lots of kisses and linger as they sleep. Because, I don't know when their apointed time is and if it happens to be tomorrow, I want them to know how much I truly love them.